A Bawse understands that there are many things in life you have no control over and it is inefficient to become frustrated by that reality. It’s your job to navigate your character through a situation you cannot control. The enemies will keep coming, the walls will keep shrinking, and the time will keep ticking away. Either way, the fact remains that your character is the only thing you can control in the game. You can probably press A + Y + Z while twirling your left joystick and your character will sing the national anthem. Today videogame controllers have as many buttons as a keyboard, so who knows what you can do. I mean, that was back in my day when my Super Nintendo controller had two buttons. When playing a videogame, you control a character by making it jump, run, duck, and attack. The game will become harder and harder, but it’s okay because you become smarter, faster, and more skilled. You go through levels, get thrown off by obstacles, and face several enemies.

I know the Koopa Troopa isn’t going to listen to me, and therefore I need to control the only thing I can-and that’s me, Mario. No Ninja Turtles means more pizza for me, and I’m Italian, so this is all working out. I can’t control it or convince it that it’s actually a Ninja Turtle and thus is in the wrong game. No matter which option I go with, the fact remains that the Koopa Troopa up ahead is going to stay there. I have three options: (1) pound my head on this brick block and hope for a star, (2) run and jump over the enemy, or (3) step on this turtle’s head and force him to retract into his shell. I’m sweating in my blue overalls as I look at all the obstacles ahead of me.

How to be a bawse book